And so the Creation of Texas began.
The Creation of the Texas Panhandle: Part 2

And so on a given day, God moved across the face of the Nilly Nully Void througout the Mushy Mash, also known as the Mealy Mush and entered into the pleasant place He called Texas. God determined to develop this Good Place and so began the compression of matter. God brought his being into a fetal position, held his breath and nose, then began to generate as much pressure as he was able. He felt the Mealy Mush around him begin to materialize into natural particles of substance and as the substances began to announce themselves they were stored in the Norther Part of Texas which God called The Texas Panhandle. And when the substances were all materialized they were separated and stored in the Texas Panhandle. In the Texas Panhandle stored He Them. The matter stored in the Texas Panhandle was called dirt which came in five types which God called Type l, Type 2, Type 3, Type 4 and Type 5; then there was plant concentrate which came in a number of varieties which God called Tumbleweed Concentrate, Cactus Emulsion, Essence of Palm Tree, Mesquite Potpourri, Crab Grass Tango, Eau de Oak and Creepy Crawly Medley and finally there were all the plant essences that came about during storage which had no names and were a complete surprise to God when they began to sprout. Lastly God stored all the Rock created in the Substantiation Process and he called the Rock by two names, Hard Rock and Soft Rock and they too were stored in the Texas Panhandle. And this was called the Pansubstanciation Movement. The Texas Panhandle was never intended for anything but the storage place for the original Texas building materials. It came about only by the mischief of the Tarahumara Indians of West Central Mexico that the Texas Panhandle came to be used for any other purpose. The materialization process is a very violent and colorful process and God was glad to see it finished so He immediately began to clean off a place to Create the Texas Big Ben Country.

     On the Second given Day, God first cleared off a vast area to the South and West of the Texas Panhandle. God found that by adding automation to his Energy Generating concentration he could achieve an almost Automatic Creation Process. This was done by mental activation of Heat and Pressure and so the Earth Moved and Mountains rose up and Erupted and Spewed Steam and Molten Rock and the Rock became Metal and the Metal became hot Liquid and the color and the particular matter of the Rocks became very diverse. God had no earthly Idea what he was going to do with the Texas Big Ben Country but he was coming up with an Idea for a Tribe of People that He would Call the Tarahumara People. They would be a Strong People. They would enhabit the Texas Big Ben Country and would be able to tame the mountains and live in the heated environment. God had so perfected the Creation Process that even as He Energized His Creation it was extending beyond the bounds he intended. And so it came to pass that in the Sierra Madre Mountains of Mexico far south of the Texas Big Ben Country a group of small, dark, grizzly people began to emerge from that mountain environment and look around themselves and they were very cold.

     God was so busy with the arrangement of the Texas Big Ben Country that he was not aware of the emergence of the Tarahumara peoples and so they were left to develop on their own. God had many other problems. The first was the shape of Texas. Although at first thinking that Texas should be flat, God later determined to make it in the shape of a circle. After all, the circle is the symbol for zero, naught, zilch, nada, squat, scratch and nothing. God also noted that he would be able to travel the face of Texas much more rapidly if it were in the form of a circle. Thus Texas became a Circle and not a Square. God was generating much more in his Creation Process than even He was aware of. For one thing the bounds of his Creation were reaching farther than he had determined causing the Mountains of the Texas Big Bend Country to extend deep into Mexico. This was known to God but he was so busy with the Finishing Touches on the Texas Big Bend Country that He didn't give it His full attention. Likewise back at the Storage Dump, as God had come to call the Texas Panhandle, strange things were happening.

     The Tarahumara Indians had used up all the Sierra Madre Volcanos to warm their caves and were still shivering from the cold. They were now burning anything in sight in an effort to keep their caves warm. The Tarahumara did not develop hunting weapons or tools. Rather than throw a spear or shoot an arrow from a bow, they elected to run the local deer for miles and miles until the deer became exhausted and then kill them with a blow to the head with a rock. They found the running aided their staying warm. Likewise when they organized field sports, they did not have goals or keep any score. Their favorite competetive game was stick ball. Each Tarahumara participant had a stick and a large wooden ball was thrown into the middle of the players, whereupon every player ran, struggled, fought and swung, hitting the ball as often as they could and in any direction possible. The game ended when the ball was worn down to the size of a splinter. Later when God became aware of this game, He marveled at their ingenuity and wondered if there might be a secret meaning to the lack of structure in their games. When asked about this The Tarahumara merely grunted and said they weren't sure, maybe they just wanted to stay warm.

     As He finished the Creation of the Texas Big Ben Country, God realized He had used far more rock than he intended and wondered if there would be enough rock to Create The East Texas Forrest. There was no help for the problem because the rock had been so heavy that the Texas Panhandle had been sinking at a frightening rate and it was only with great effort on His part that God was able to use it up quickly enough. As it was, the Texas Panhandle became the flattest place on the face of the Earth, but that was preferable to being the largest sink hole on the face of the Earth. God was excited. It was all looking Good and God was pleased. So ended the Second Day.

     On the Third Day God sojournied to the Texas Rio Grande Valley and began the Creation Process in that area. Being short of rock, God used a lot of crushed sandstone and other softstones and added dirt to fill the gap and build a large flat surface. God placed an abundance of native plants and herbs in the area to thrive on the rich earth and crushed rock mixtures. To feed the plants God moved his Creative Finger down the length of the Rio Grande Valley of Texas and placed a mighty River to water the plants and quinch the thirst of the Peoples who would come later to work the fields and harvest the fruits and vegetables of that area. Having become aware of the Tarahumara Indians, God thought they might move North and harvest the fruits and drink from the River. But God had a gentle nature and decided to let these things happen on their own.

     God realized that The Texas Rio Grande Valley would have to be warmer than the rest of the Creation of Texas because of the profusion of tender plant life and so placed the remainder of His volcanos along the Rio Grande River to keep a "frost watch" over the whole area. So ended the Third Day. Meanwhile in the Sierra Madre mountains of Mexico the Tarahumara Indians had elected a new Chief. The name of the new Chief was almost prophetic. He was called Tom Tom Levite. Tom Tom Levite as a teenager had begun to play the tom toms with such a rhythmic fast beat that the younger members of the Tribe were enraptured and would do nothing but dance Tom Tom's "fast, wild and crazy dance" and would not do their assigned tasks. The Elders complained and a proclamation was proclaimed giving Jerome (that had been Tom Tom's original name) the name of Tom Tom, but in so honoring him, he was forbidden from playing the tom toms until after his thirty-fifth birthday. On the day God completed the Creation of the Rio Grande Valley, Tom Tom celebrated his thirty-fourth birthday. Thus the Third Day gave rise to much celebration.

     And it came to pass that on the Fourth Day, God created the Texas Hill Country. This Day God called his Day of Love, because the Texas Hill Country was His Best Work and later provided a good habitat for his Truly Chosen People. The Creation went without incident. Mountains from the Texas Big Bend Area were broken down and moved into place in attractive arrangements along the Blanco, Pedernales, Colorado and Guadalupe Rivers and all the leftover soil, rock and plant life were placed into appropriate places in the area between the Rivers. In a large corner of the Texas Panhandle, God found a complete shipment of wildflowers that have been overlooked in the Previous Creations and so distributed them generously throughout the area. When this day was over, God felt good and knew that the Fourth Day would remain his Gem and the symbol of his Omnipotent Power of Creation.

     In the meantime things were heating up (not literally, of course) in the Sierra Madre Mountains of Northern Mexico. Tom Tom Levite had taken a wife. And it came to pass in this manner. Tom Tom had wandered out along the shores of the Great Salt Water To The West and hid among the sand dunes and was tapping out a groovy tune with his fingers when a figure approached him from the South. When she was near, Tom Tom saw that she was fair whereas he was dark, her hair was red and she was pleasing to look upon. Tom Tom's heart began to beat to a rhythmn he had never heard before. And it was Good. The fair female was clothed in hundreds of sea shells, all secured by thin threads of sinew; as she walked they clicked and sparkled in the sun. Tom Tom was enchanted. Then the fair female pulled a thin thread of sinew and all the shells fell away. Tom Tom hyperventilated. Tom Tom introduced himself to the fair female as Chief of the Tarahumara Indians and immediately asked for her hand(and all that was attached thereto) in marriage. She asked, "Tara...what?" Tom Tom's mother was against the match, she asked, "Why can't you find a good local girl? What's the matter with your own kind?". Circumstances ended the speculation. It seems that all the Tarahumara females were somewhere in the Peruvian Mountain Ranges on an extended game of "stick ball". One of the girls had found a block of Ebony Wood and made a stick ball out of it. These Circumstances and nature won the battle so Tom Tom and the fair female were married within the week; such was Tom Tom's urgency. And Tom Tom called his wife "Shelly". It was a full fortnight before God heard of this, but he was pleased that nothing inappropriate had happened. And so ended the Fourth Day of God's Creation of Texas.

     By the time God got around to creating the Texas Gulf Coast, he was fed up with rocks and mountains and volcanoes and cactus and lizards and all the other things that had evolved as a result of his overcompressurizing during the Creation Energy processes. God took the rest of the rocks, dirt and sand and crushed them into a fine rich substance and spread them over a level area to the edge of the Gulf of Mexico. The Rio Grande River was already in place so the Nueces River was added and plants were brought in from all over the rest of Texas and a truly beautiful seaside was created. As a result of this excess creative energy there were already animals and insects and birds and fish and lizards and stuff running around. The automatic generation of creation creatures was called The Extrogenerative Syndrome. God realized that big words would be necessary in the future in order to determine who should get Master's Degrees.

     In the meantime, back at the Tarahumara Village, Shelley was creating quite a problem. Shelley was COLD, just plain COLD; she had never been this COLD in all her life. Shelley was not inclined to be silent about this problem, so it came to pass that Tom Tom's mother came to Tom Tom and said, "Do something about this damned wife you've drug up here; she is driving me stark-raving mad!' And so it came to pass that Tom Tom organized a war party of braves and planned a raid to the north to steal heating materials. Shelley insisted on going with the war party. Tom Tom explained that women NEVER traveled with a war party. Once they had packed Shelley's belongings on the pack animals, the war party headed north with Shelley on a white horse in the lead, just ahead of Tom Tom, who had a defeated look on his face. The braves were all smiling in a friendly way. And so ended the events of the Fifth Day. God was pleased. God was also getting tired.

     On the Sixth Day, God Created The East Texas Forrest, which was the easiest day of them all. God had plenty of dirt left over and a few mountains also. He was able to get rid of all the plant life including the remainer of the wildflowers and a surplus of pine trees that had been intended for the Texas Big Bend Country. The East Texas Forrest didn't turn out too badly either. This had been the day that God had planned to create some little "Godoids" or maybe he would call them "People" to rhyme with "Steeple", naaaaww, that would be silly. The thing was that God was tired and he already had some little creatures approximately like the ones he had planned to create. God smiled; He was just beginning to realize his powers. Wasn't it amazing the power of Extrogeneration. And like I said, God was tired. So God said, "Oh, what the hell, Tom Tom and Shelley and the Tarahumaras can be my "Godoids" for the time being, after all this is just a trial run anyway. I may do it differently when I create the "Great Redundancy."

     Meanwhile back at the Tarahumara War Party camp, Tom Tom, Shelley and the braves were looking over a ridge at the Texas Rio Grande Valley and one of the braves was making a list of the wood and timber they would need to heat the caves for the next month or so. Shelley smacked Tom Tom on the back of the head and said, "I am a priestess in my own tribe and I have powers you don't even know about". I want you to make a clay pot a very large one eight dinos long and four dinos wide and 18 sinjos deep. Tom Tom said, "Shut up! Are you crazy?" When the pot was finished, Shelley made Tom Tom and the braves hide their faces. No one saw what she did, but there was a great rushing of wind and heat, there was a loud roar and the sound of earth and rock being torn from the surface and a great smell of cordite and sulphur filled the air. Tom Tom and all the braves trembled in fear. When the sounds and feelings and smells had gone away, Shelley told the entourage they could now open their eyes. They looked with amazement at The Texas Rio Grande Valley; all the volcanoes were gone. Not one single volcano was left the warm the crops of the area. Tom Tom shouted, "Oh my God, what have you done? Where are God's volcanoes?" Shelly said, "Don't speak His Name, he'll find out soon enough, now get these braves busy, pick up that clay pot and let's get out of here". The braves had never had to carry so heavy a burden and so grumbled all the way back to their village in the Sierra Madre Mountains. And so it came to pass that the Tarahumara Indians stole God's volcanos to warm their caves in the Sierra Madre Moutains of Northern Mexico. Tom Tom knew in his heart that "a hard rain was gonna fall". Shelly knew that she was going to be warm for a long time to come. Shelly smiled slyly. She thought, "Apple my Ankle." God was not aware of the loss of his volcanoes. He was ending his work on the Sixth Day of Creation. He was Exhausted.

     So it came to pass on The Seventh Day God checked into a motel in Odessa, Texas, took a shower, put on clean clothes, lay down on the bed and went to sleep without even turning the TV on. And it was the End of the Seventh and God was pleased. And Shelley was just as pleased. There would come a time when she would be less pleased.